After a breakup we don't know what to do, and that's normal, because nobody ever prepared us for this kind of pain. Everyone makes mistakes. I made plenty while I was healing, and they slowed me down. I'm writing this to make your way a little faster. You may still make some of the same mistakes, but at least you'll recognise them and be able to change course.
The first mistake is staying friends with your ex. I've written about why elsewhere, so I won't go into detail here, but it's such a common mistake that it has to be on the list. Right now you still love your ex, and your goal is to let go and move on. As long as you keep talking to them, seeing them and hanging out "just as friends", it keeps hurting you and doesn't take you where you want to go. People will say, "Don't worry, you're just friends." Please don't listen. Maybe one day, when the feelings are gone, you feel stronger and you've moved on with your life, you can decide whether to be friends. But at the beginning there's no question: you shouldn't.
A side note. Sometimes you can't stop talking to or seeing your ex, because they're the parent of your children or because you work together. Then the best you can do is keep contact to a minimum and keep every conversation on topic. If you share children, talk only when you need to and only about the children. At work, keep it strictly professional.
The second mistake is running after your ex. Even if you want them back and can't imagine moving on without them, chasing them is a bad idea.
There are a few reasons, and the main one is that you're not respecting their choice. They decided to go on with their life without you. It's painful, but it's their right, even if you think they need you or you have a better plan for them. Sometimes we're completely sure our ex made a huge mistake letting us go, and we're determined to prove it. But we can't. It's their life and their choice. Begging and pushing only make them feel worse. Even if you want them back, the answer is still to step away. Give them room, and use that time to reflect and decide whether you really want them.
The third mistake is rushing into a relationship too soon, whether that's back with your ex or with someone new. You need time. Time to understand the past: why it didn't work, what you could do better, what you want in a partner and what you don't. Starting something new too soon makes it much more likely to fail too. Give yourself time to notice things, and even to enjoy being on your own for a while. At some point you'll feel that the time is right and you're ready. Learning from the past matters so you don't repeat it, and so does looking after your self-esteem, which probably took a hit. Otherwise it's easy to keep making the same mistakes and choosing the wrong people, again and again.
And if you've already done some of these things, it's not the end of the world. Don't be hard on yourself. You're doing your best in a really difficult situation. Don't stay friends with your ex, because your heart needs time to let the feelings go. Don't run after your ex, because you have to respect their decision and take time to reflect. And don't rush into a relationship, because you need room to understand what happened and learn from it.
