Every relationship is different, and so is every person. The pain you feel after a breakup is shaped by so many things. Some "experts" will tell you that you should be over it in a week or a month. That's simply wrong.
Every breakup is different because you have your own personality, your own feelings, your own values and upbringing, and your relationship was its own. Your goals are different too. Everyone is unique, and so are you. So why, when our heart breaks, do people expect us all to react the same way?
A broken heart is hard. It hurts, and it takes a lot of energy. You can heal from it and get through it, there's no question about that. But some things make it harder and more painful.
When you rush yourself to forget your ex, you hurt yourself and make healing harder. Maybe you don't understand why you feel the way you do, and you're angry with yourself. I've talked with so many people who feel stupid because they still miss their ex and still love them, even though it's over. They panic and can't understand why it's so hard. Maybe you're one of them. Your head understands something your heart doesn't yet, and you think you're going crazy.
Maybe your friends and family don't support you and can't see why this is such a big deal. You feel pressure from them to move on and forget your ex already. Or maybe your ex has already moved on, and you feel you should too. You can't understand how they forgot you so fast while you're still behind, crying over them.
But once you understand that you're unique, and that the way you feel is okay, you can start to move on. Once you accept that every heart needs its own time, you can be at peace with yourself. Moving on isn't only about doing the right things. There are mistakes to avoid and good things you can do. But before all of that, moving on is about self-compassion, about loving yourself, about letting go of self-judgment.
Moving on is also about believing: in yourself and in the process. You can do this. Nobody can do it for you, but you can do it.
A breakup is complicated enough. When you blame yourself, judge yourself or get angry with yourself, you add layers of anxiety to it. Understand that you're a human going through something normal, and it will take as long as it takes. Love yourself, believe in yourself, and give your heart the time it needs.
