There's a question everyone asks after a breakup: should you speak with your ex? The answer is simple. You shouldn't. But I know that's hard to do, and harder still when you don't understand why it's a bad idea. So let me explain why the best thing you can do is stop talking to your ex.
Your mind works by association. When I say "summer", you might think of the sun or the beach. An image or a song can bring back a whole set of memories, happy ones, sad ones, ordinary ones. The same thing happens with your ex. Songs, photos, even things you do every day will remind you of the past.
When you talk to your ex, you think about them even more. It's hard to forget someone who is in your head all the time. It's hard to let go of your feelings while you're still seeing or talking to that person. You want to make healing easier on yourself, and as long as you keep talking to your ex, it will be harder.
The other reason to stop all contact is that you have a new life now. I know you didn't want it and didn't choose it. But you and your ex aren't together anymore. It doesn't matter who was to blame or who decided to end it. What matters now is making you happy again, and that means working on yourself.
When you keep talking to your ex, you're not accepting the new reality, the fact that your ex isn't part of your life anymore. You have to let go of old habits and get used to a life without them in it. I know it hurts. But the sooner you accept it, the sooner you'll heal.
Sometimes you can't stop seeing or talking to them. Maybe you work together, maybe you have children, maybe you live close by. Then the goal is to keep contact to a minimum. If you have children, talk only about the children and don't let the conversation drift. If you work together, keep it strictly professional. Ask your ex to respect that, and to stop messaging you about anything that doesn't have to be said.
If you don't have to be in touch, the fastest way through is no contact at all. Block their number. Block them on social media, and anywhere else you'd see them. It can also help to put away their gifts and your photos together. You don't have to throw them out, just put them where you won't see them.
I know all of this is hard, and it might feel childish, or make you feel guilty. But right now it's time to think about yourself, your future and how to rebuild. Staying friends or staying in touch only makes the road back to happiness longer and harder. You have to choose between yourself and them, and I believe it's time to choose yourself.
That doesn't mean you have to hate your ex. Not talking to them is simply a way to ease the pain and let your heart get used to the new situation. Maybe one day, when time has passed and the feelings have faded, you'll be friends. But for now there's one right thing to do, and that's to stay away from them if you can.
