After a breakup, people always try to fight the bad feelings. They don't want the pain, they don't want to be sad and cry all day, they don't want the sleepless nights. That's a normal way to feel. I remember having really bad days after my breakup and feeling like it was the end of the world. I didn't know how I could keep suffering so much.
The thing is, you can't win a fight against bad feelings, and it isn't the right thing to try. You had a truly deep connection with your ex. You loved that person, and now it's over. You opened your heart and felt a huge range of emotions: good ones, bad ones, deep ones, and all of them real. You're human. Of course you have feelings.
This is part of life. You can't expect to feel only good things, and when you open your heart there's always a chance of getting hurt. But I don't want you to hate your bad feelings, because they have an important place in your life.
When you feel good and you smile, you can enjoy it because you know how bad it felt to cry. You can enjoy being with friends because you know how hard it was to feel lonely. I could give you a thousand examples, but you get the idea. Bad feelings give life its proportion. Without the bad, the good wouldn't stand out. Everything would just be ordinary.
I know it's hard to see anything good in bad feelings while you're this hurt, but try. It's more than natural to feel sad after losing someone you love. You don't have to pretend you're okay. You just have to notice what you feel. When you fight against bad feelings, you always lose.
When you fight sadness by getting angry with yourself, the sadness doesn't go away. You've just added anger. When you fight disappointment by blaming yourself, the disappointment doesn't go away. You've just added guilt. When you fight anxiety by regretting what you did, the anxiety doesn't go away. You've just added regret.
Fighting one bad feeling with another is a losing game. It only makes things more complicated. You're the one who can get yourself through this, and to do that you need self-love, empathy and compassion for yourself.
If you want to get the better of bad feelings, add good things to your life. Do what makes you feel better. It's time to focus on yourself and take care of yourself. The more good there is in your day, the less room the bad has.
The more you take care of yourself, the more you love yourself and the more good you let in, the less room there is for the bad. That's how you heal a broken heart, and how you change your life along the way.
