Many people don't value themselves enough after a breakup. They blame themselves for it, and they decide their ex was perfect. I want to explain why that's wrong, and why you shouldn't think that way.
A relationship takes two people. If you think your relationship was perfect, fine, but don't think that was only because of your ex. It was also because of who you are. If your ex seemed perfect, part of that was the way you saw them. And a relationship can't be healthy and happy when only one side gives, when only one side tries their best to make it work.
After a breakup it's very common to forget things. Suddenly all the bad parts disappear: the things you didn't like, the things that eventually led to the end. Your ex becomes perfect and flawless. And if your ex was perfect and the relationship still failed, it must have been you. That is completely wrong.
When you idealise your ex, they're hard to forget. Nobody wants to forget the perfect one, or blame them, or say anything bad about them. But to move on you have to face reality. Be honest with yourself about what didn't work, why it failed, and where your ex didn't do their best.
Take a sheet of paper and write down everything you didn't like about your ex and about your relationship. The goal is to see that your ex wasn't perfect, because nobody is. Taking less of the blame will bring you relief and help you move on. It can't all be on you. And even if you're still sure your ex was perfect, remember that they chose to leave.
Instead of working together to fix what wasn't working, they gave up on you and left. You deserve someone who fights for you. That's the most basic principle of healthy love: you both want to be together. If one side doesn't, you deserve more, and you shouldn't stay in that kind of relationship.
Next time you think about your ex and the relationship, try to look at it neutrally. You'll find it wasn't all your fault. Even if you made mistakes, you're human, and everyone makes them. What matters more is that you didn't give up, and your ex did. That's the difference.
In a relationship, your part is to give it everything. If you gave everything and it still wasn't enough, they were the wrong person for you. Never judge yourself for being who you are and giving all you had.
