Everyone wants closure. Everyone needs it. It's normal to want to know why the relationship ended, and understanding it does help you move on. So let's talk about how to get the closure you're looking for, and finally put the past behind you.
But first, three reasons why searching for closure can backfire.
Reason one
When you go over what your ex did or said, looking for clues, you end up reliving the whole relationship. You analyse the past and try to discover something new. Memories come up, and as you know, even one memory can be dangerous. One memory can bring back so many feelings and set you back twenty steps. Hunting for answers causes pain you could easily avoid. Digging through the past hurts.
Reason two
You can't change the past: not your actions, and not your ex's. You can only learn from it and grow. When you dig through the past, you spend energy living there instead of building your future. The best thing you can do is accept what happened. Now it's time to focus on yourself, your present and your future, and do what you can to be happy again. Going over the past does the opposite of what you're trying to do.
Reason three
Searching for the answer is a battle you'll lose, because you won't find it anywhere. If your ex didn't tell you the real reason, you don't know it. Your friends don't know it either. The only person who knows is your ex, and maybe they lied, or they're keeping it to themselves. Either way, you won't get the answers you're looking for.
So how do you get closure?
If you want closure, accept what your ex told you. If the reason makes sense to you, don't go looking for more. Take it as it is. If what they told you doesn't make sense, or they told you nothing at all, then come up with a reason yourself. Think about why things didn't work out, and find a reason that doesn't blame you or hurt you. What matters is finding a reason your mind and heart can accept in peace, so you can get on with what's important: rebuilding yourself.
