After a breakup we try to answer all the questions we have. Often we think our ex was perfect and we don't want to blame him. So what do we do? We blame ourselves. It happens to so many people after a breakup, but it's something you have to avoid. Let me explain why.
A breakup is very painful. It's hard to get used to the new situation, to forget your ex, to stop loving them and to rebuild yourself. The situation is complicated enough already. When you blame yourself, you add more layers and make moving on even harder. Self-blame doesn't support your healing. It makes it more painful.
What you need is self-compassion. Be kind to yourself, support yourself, and help yourself do what you need to be happy again. Your goal right now is to stop the harsh self-talk and let go of the guilt. Let those thoughts go, and replace them with supportive ones.
Blaming yourself for the past is the wrong move. Maybe you think the breakup happened because of you. You think there were things you didn't do well, or times you acted wrongly. Maybe there are things you understand now that you regret. Keep in mind that yes, maybe you made some mistakes, but nobody is perfect. There will never be a relationship without mistakes. The difference is that your ex chose to let you go and give up on you, or pushed things to a point where you had to give up on them.
You deserve someone who fights for you, who finds your flaws endearing, and who works through mistakes and problems with you. Don't blame yourself for not being perfect, for making mistakes, for being human. We all make mistakes. We're all wrong sometimes.
That doesn't mean skipping over what you did. It's always worth reflecting on the past and learning from your mistakes. What can you do better in your next relationship? What did you learn about yourself? What will you look for in your next partner?
Just don't spend too long in the past, wondering. Don't keep asking "what if", or listing everything you could have done or said. Maybe you blame yourself for loving this person even after they hurt you, for missing the red flags, or for staying too long. Whatever the reason, remember that you're wiser now. You lived through it, and you learned.
With what you know today, you'd act differently. But in those moments, you tried your best. You did everything you could to be happy and to do the right thing. Maybe you can see now that you chose the wrong path. Don't regret it, and don't judge yourself for trying your best. Learn what you can to make your next relationship better, and don't live in the past, because you can't change it, and you did your best.
Always remember that we're only human, doing our best in every moment. Sometimes it goes well and sometimes it goes wrong, but it comes from a good place. When you truly understand that you did everything you could, you'll have taken a huge step toward healing your broken heart.
