People think there are only two options: you love your ex or you hate them. They believe that hating their ex will make it easier to stop loving them and eventually forget them. And they're right that feelings are what keep you stuck. But here's the thing: it doesn't matter whether those feelings are positive or negative. As long as you have strong feelings about your ex, it will be hard to move on.
When you stop caring about something, you can forget it and move on, because it isn't important to you anymore. Hate is a strong feeling, and so is anger. When you hate your ex or you're angry with them, you keep them in your head. You think about them, you give them importance, and you let them stay part of your day.
Hating someone means holding on to negative memories and negative thoughts, and that takes a lot of energy. You probably end the day tired and frustrated. Hating your ex won't help you think about them less. They're still important to you, so you'll still think about them a lot.
Even if you're right and your ex did something really bad, even if you feel you should hate them and be angry, it won't help you. When you're healing a broken heart, you need to do what helps you move on, not what seems fair. Life isn't fair. I wish it were, but it isn't. Your goal right now is to do your best with the situation you're in and make yourself happy again.
So my advice is to let go, and forgive. If you have negative thoughts about your ex, don't fight them. Let them be, and forgive your ex. Understand that when you forgive, you do it only for yourself. It lets you put down the anger, and it makes everything less painful and less complicated.
When you make things simpler, they matter less to you. Moving on gets easier, and you feel better in your body too. Carrying anger makes you more anxious and more stressed. It affects your appetite and your sleep, and it makes healing harder. Forgiveness is one of the most important things you can do after a breakup.
To forgive for real, and not just in theory, take a piece of paper and write a letter. Write everything that's on your mind, and remember you're doing it for yourself, to feel better and to feel relief. Tell your ex you forgive them, that you're not holding on anymore, that you don't want to hate. You want to close that chapter and focus on the present, the future and rebuilding yourself.
Hate isn't the answer. Not because your ex deserves love, but because you deserve to let go, to bury the past and grow in the present. Forgive, for your own sake.
